I want to walk on stilts...naked
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
