some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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