He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
