sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
