I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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