Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
