how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize