just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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