I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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