i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
