puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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