Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
