Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
