Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
