The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
