so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
