One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
