I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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