You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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