i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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