his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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