Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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