I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
