I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
