one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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