I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
3pm strippers are depressing
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
