I checked into jail on foursquare
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
