ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is the high leading the old right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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