you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
