Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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