I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize