and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
