Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
