i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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