in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
