bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
