I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
