his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
