its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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