I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
