question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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