you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there is puke in my bra ... again
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize