Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
