i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
