I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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