every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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