ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize