is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
