I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
