i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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