Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
