Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
