is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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