Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
