shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
