I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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