just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
