I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
