When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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