i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
