her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
