I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
