And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize