he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
