a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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