just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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