we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
