well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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