the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
