we have officially lost it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
