so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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