captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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