If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
