My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
